THE LAMP ---- PAGE # 6

A man who had recently brought a female parakeet with a salty vocabulary got a call from his clergyman telling him that he was planning to stop by the following week.  Worried about the bird's language, he called a friend who had two well-behaved male birds.  One recited the Lord's Prayer, while the other held a rosary in it's claws and repeated Hail Mary's.  "Would it be okay if I brought my bird over for a few days?", the man asked his buddy.  Maybe may parakeet will pickup some good habits from yours.  The friend agreed, so the man took his female parakeet over and put her in the cage next to that of the two males.  Suddenly the first male parakeet stopped praying and turned to the other.  "you can knock if off now", he said.  "We got what we were praying for".

An investor told a colleague that the volatile state of the stock market was making him so edgy he couldn't sleep.  "I sleep like a baby", the other investor replied.  "I wake up every every three or four hours and cry".

During an exhibit at a museum, a modern artist was explaining his work.  "This", he said, pointing to a completely black canvas, "is a cow grazing".  "Where is the grass?", asked a visitor.  "The cow has eaten it", the artist answered.  "In that case", the visitor said, "Where is the cow?"   "Well, how could you expect her to stay after she'd eaten all the grass", the artist replied.

One evening I made fried chicken and used the drippings for gravy.  I kept adding flour and water to thicken it.  Then I asked my husband to taste a spoonful and tell me what was missing.   He was quick to reply, "The wallpaper".

A sick man went to a doctor he had not visited before.  As he entered the office, he noticed a sign: "$20 first visit, $10 subsequent visits".  To save money, he greeted the doctor by saying, "Nice to see you again".  The doctor nodded his hello, then began the exam, his expression training grave as he poked and prodded the ill man.   "Doc, what is it?  The patient asked.   "What should I do?"  "Well", the doctor said, setting his stethoscope down.   "Just keep doing the same thing I told U to do last time U were here.

In Kindergarten I was teaching the kids the seven days of the week, "Sunday, Monday ...... Friday and Saturday", I repeated for the 20th time.  Then I quizzed them, "Tell me, what comes after Friday?", The class was silent for a while.  Then a toddler spoke up: "And"

Contributed by:

Mah Jabeen Intezar

SUCCESS IS HIGHLY OVERRATED, IT'S YOUR FAITHFULNESS THAT COUNTS.